Hands off the future, Eyes on the present

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Mid prayer, God told me I needed to stop coming into days with a certainty that I would wake up the next. Had to meditate on that because sometimes, I think me being on fire for God is going to guarantee another day, or week, or month because of how faithful I've been, but bad things happen to good people all of the time, and good people die all of the time. I needed to remember that I'm not earned another day or blessing because of my works or the things I do, but by the grace and goodness of God. (Ephesians 2:8-9) That helped me release some of the pressure I put on myself to prove I can be loved by God if I just stick to a routine.

It's an unhealthy way of thinking because when we mess it up, or don't stick to the habit we set for ourselves everyday, it's easier to backslide, even I have in the past. If I missed journal time in the morning or didn't read my bible at night, God was going to hate me and be disappointed in me. Not only would I have negative thoughts about God, but about myself too. Sometimes I'd feel like an awful person and that I let Him down. Thankfully, he remains the same through every season, even in the days we lack or get lazy. We are loved regardless of our mistakes. Psalms 145 says,

"The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and great in faithful love. The Lord is good to everyone, his compassion rests on all he has made." Unlike us and our feelings, the Word is always consistent and never changing. So we can either believe what is true, or our feelings.

It's important to remember not every thought in your head is yours. Satan knows the bible front to back. He knows God will never leave us nor forsake us but if he can convince us that He will, we'll do the rest of the work for him. It'll go from a spiral of toxic thoughts to how those thoughts make you feel, to making decisions because you feel that way, so you backslide, or self sabotage. Don't worry, I've been there, it's not fun. But what I have learned is God is not mad at you for not sticking to your "routine." It becomes an issue when we focus more on that than him.

We can miss what He's calling us to do and not even realize. We can get so caught up in what the future holds that we forget what God wants us to do today. Whether it's through rest, hanging out with your siblings, or nourishing your body, every act you do can glorify God. I don't know about you, but when I wake up, I never have a steady routine. I don't wake up and think, "gotta brush my teeth at 9:30" and "make my bed before breakfast" I wake up, spend time with the Lord, but after, I just simply exist, and still, my teeth get brushed, my bed is made and before I know it, I got everything I wanted done for the day.

As a 20 year old girl who is going back to school, working full time, wanting to get married and have babies, thinking about the future is inevitable. But I realized that we don't appreciate the seasons we're in until we're out of them. 10 years from now I'll look back and wish I enjoyed the season I'm in right now a little more. Knowing that though makes me aware that every single day is precious. Thinking about the future, robs us of enjoying the present and we are not promised tomorrow.

"Light is sweet and it is pleasing for the eye to see the sun. Indeed if someone lives many years, let him rejoice in them all, and let him remember the days of darkness since there will be many. All that comes is futile. Rejoice young person, while you are young, and let your heart be glad in the days of your youth. And walk in the ways of your heart and in the desires of your eyes, but know that for all these things God will bring you judgement." (Ecclesiastes 11:7-9) God tells us to rejoice now, because it will all come to an end soon. Time is fleeting.

So I'm not using how strong my relationship with God is to get lazy because I'm scared to accept the calling He has for me and my life, because I know days will get hard, but I'm choosing to wake up each day with an urge to change a life or pursue a purpose, even if that looks different for me every day. I have no clue when my time is up, but what I can do is enjoy the moments He gives me now. Let's use today to just sit in that peace. The peace of today.