Not Broken, Just Bruised-Navigating Church Hurt

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Church hurt isn’t just a buzzword, it’s something that pierced my soul and left a scar I didn’t know I’d have to heal from. I was betrayed by people I trusted, people who were supposed to reflect God’s love but instead used their position to gaslight, exclude, and wound. That kind of pain doesn’t just stay in the church walls. It follows you home, it seeps into your prayers, and it makes you question everything you once held sacred. I found myself stumbling in my faith, slowly disconnecting from God, not because I didn’t love Him, but because I didn’t know how to separate His voice from the noise of the people who hurt me. I was bed rotting, binge-watching The OC, numbing myself to avoid the pain I didn’t want to admit was spiritual. My Bible collected dust while my soul quietly sank. I didn’t realize how much it was all affecting me until I noticed I was surviving instead of growing.

That’s when I learned the hard truth: not everyone is qualified to lead you, even if they have the title. Finding the right mentors, the ones who are healed themselves and lead with humility are so important for your spiritual protection. Those who lead with humility, integrity, and prayer is absolutely vital for a healthy faith walk. I learned this the hard way. I had a mentor I trusted deeply, someone I confided in with some of the most vulnerable parts of my heart, only to find that trust shattered. The fallout left me crushed. I had to walk away from new and growing friendships, a community, and people I had just started to love and trust, but as painful as it was, it opened my eyes to the kind of leadership I truly need. People who are led by the Spirit, who walk humbly, who listen more than they speak, and who understand the weight of being entrusted with someone’s soul.

Yes, it was heartbreaking to leave, but I now believe that when one door closes, another truly does open. Sometimes God allows those doors to slam shut not to punish us, but to protect us and redirect us toward the leaders, communities, and healing we actually need. Here’s the hope: it does get better. The same way a church can break you, God can use the right church to heal you. It may take time, and the wounds may leave scars, but those scars can become reminders of how far you’ve come. Churches hurt, but they also heal. And if you keep walking, even if it’s slow and tear-filled, there’s a rainbow on the other side. A place where peace returns, faith deepens, and joy is no longer forced but real.

Forgiving is a quick action, but healing is a process, so here are some practical steps we can take to move forward.

1. Bring your pain to God honestly. Share your heartbreak and anger, I promise he can handle all of your questions. In Psalms 34:18, we're reminded that "God is close to the brokenhearted." So draw near to Him too.

2. Give yourself permission to rest and grieve. In whatever ways we try to distract ourselves, whether through doing nothing or doing everything, just rest in Gods love. Isaiah 41:10 says, "Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will hold onto you with my righteous right hand." God will hold onto you as you sit and cry, don't forget that you are never alone.

3. Tell someone. Confide in people you trust if you can. Thankfully I had a few great friends in the faith that I shared my experience with and felt a weight be lifted. Hearing that I did nothing wrong from multiple people helped me let go of those thoughts the enemy would try to put in my ear. That "I destroy everything I touch," "everyone hates me", "this is what happens when I speak up" Those thoughts held no more weight over me. Even if you did do something that you aren't proud of, confession is an important part to being healed. James 16:5 says to confess your sins to one another and pray for each other, so you may be healed. Confide in someone and share what you've been going through.

4. Remember to separate God from people. People will fail us but God never does, he never changes. In fact, Jesus himself was betrayed by Judas, someone close to him, showing us that betrayal, though painful, doesn't define our identity or our future.

5. Rebuild trust slowly and intentionally. It’s okay to ask questions, set boundaries, and take your time before opening up to new leadership. Healing doesn’t mean blindly trusting again, it means learning to trust wisely. God still works through people, and with discernment and time, you can find leaders who reflect His heart without compromising your faith.

   
   

   I pray that anyone else in this position whether it happened recently or in the past can allow Gods healing and transformation to occur over them. That we may not live with our hands tightened, but free and open to let God work in our lives despite the tribulations we face. Just know you're not alone and there is grace to be given.